tremendous lack of pain


there is an interview with katharine hepburn from 1973 and she, having led a very, very private life for decades, for some reason (well, actually she was returning someone a favor, she believed that one can truly return a favor only with a real favor) agreed to come and meet up with dick cavett on whose talk show she had decided to appear on. 

people were preparing the set, putting things in place for the taping which was supposed to take place the next day, cavett and hepburn were sitting in their chairs and talking. all of the sudden hepburn proposed they'd begin filming, right then, there. "have they started yet? why don't they just start?", and they did. so there was no audience, no chosen outfits, no orchestra which cavett usually had, and so on and so forth.
they talked for more than two hours.

in the end, there is this moment where cavett thanks her for agreeing to do the interview, expressing in a sweet clumsy way how much he's enjoyed their time together. katharine hepburn looks at him, and as she replies her voice changes; it becomes quieter, softer, and sounds almost as if she's telling a secret. 

"you know something funny? I've enjoyed it, too. I have. I didn't know whether or not I would, but I have." 

today was a good, weird, strange, nice, frightening, calming, interesting day. each of us has a secret, and we all have things we do or places we go to, to rebuild our secret. because the secret is what keeps us going, hepburn says. 
I rebuilt my secret today. there is only one person's character I can worry about in this life. and it ain't yours, it's mine. 

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