F*cked in Eastern Europe


I love the smell of fascism in the morning, I truly do. At first I thought, it had something to do with the spring which just arrived. I was wrong. There are no more springs after this one, only winter, albeit with a larger temperature range. In Hiroshima, Japan, August is the hottest month with an average temperature of 26.9 degrees Celsius, but for one solemn day, decades ago, a little boy visited the city and made its temperature peak at no less than 300,000 degrees celsius.

But why talk about the weather, the temperature?

Well, it seems, that the climate in Estonia (Soon to be Estland, or the Fourth Reich, or the Federation of White people, depending on how fast certain processes develop in society) has been kind to all sorts of creepy-crawlies, who are now unburrowing from their nests so they could finally have a shot at seeing the sun, and not just in Estonia, but in Europe as a whole. The rise of the far-right has given concern to many, but as the situation in Syria seems to be in a deadlock, and the immigration crisis being directly related to that lock, it’ll probably keep on rising.

Even though there is next-to-nil hope left, I feel that it is much more fun to go under the guillotine while wearing a smile, rather than a frown. So, without further ado, I present to you, our international friends, a reverse “Radio Free Europe”: the first edition of “Fucked in Eastern Europe“, so you, also, could get a feel of what it’s like to be in the worlds most fascinating reality show – Estonia.

I’ve always believed that it is a citizens duty, to keep a tab on his rulers. And who else would I keep a tab on, if not someone my age? Yes. We are talking about Jaak Madison, who, in the Parliament, represents the Conservative People’s Party of Estonia.

Some might call him the Bill Cosby of Estonian politics, not because he makes you laugh, but because he is known to have broken into womens cabins, while he was still working on a Tallink ship, but I digress. When he is not busy selling stolen shit, he does something, what is known to most of us as politics. And boy, are his policies wild.

In an interview given to Delfi, Madison busts a nut on a variety of topics: the sanctity of marriage, immigration, abortion, nazi germany and war. Are you getting hard already?

Madison thinks that if somebody gets pregnant by accident, they should get a letter from a gynecologist, to see a social psychologist or a crisis counselor, and that an abortion would only be performed, if it is signed by a counselor or a psychologist. So in short: someone gets pregnant by accident and wants to have an abortion performed – tough shit, your womb belongs to the state now, make babies for the war machine. Atleast that is what seems to be said, with the proposed extra bureaucracy. I wonder if the counselor and psychologist are going to start doing the good-cop-bad-cop routine? God knows.

During the interview, the reporter also touched on a rather peculiar issue, a blog post from the year 2012, which Madison wrote, an excerpt is available in Estonian, in the same interview but in short; and in english: “Hitlers Germany shined with national socialism, yet everybody remembers the negative side. I do not want to justify nazi crimes and mass murders (even though the number of victims is controversial) but you cannot look at it from just one aspect, you should see the positive sides, which came with such organization.” (Referring to the growth of the german military-industrial complex in the thirties.)

Am I making this shit up? Hell no, this guy is in the Estonian parliament with his fellow party members, who are known for saying things like: “Kui on must, näita ust,” which in English would be roughly: “If its black, show it the door,” referring to immigration. If it’s black, leave it at the back would be an even better expression in English. Cheers, CPPE, this one’s on me.

Also, they sometimes organize these funky parades, with torches.

Does this look familiar? Certainly.

Also, reaping political capital off a tragedy, is also something they have been known to do:

Screen Shot 2016-03-29 at 00.28.27
“Currently in progress at Brussels airport: ‘Diversity enriches and welcome immigrants!’ Congratulations, liberals and progressives.”

But this might just be freedom of expression, one of the few freedoms that we have left, on paper at least, which makes it much more peculiar, that Madison is beefing with Kaur Kender, an Estonian writer currently getting his shit fucked by the government, by being prosecuted for writing a transgressive novel.

PEN International Estonia and every sane person thinks, that he is being prosecuted for his involvement in protesting the current drug policies and for being a general pain in the ass. His novel was sent to a commitee to rule if it is pornographic or not, a commitee which has no specialists on literature, or writers, or scholars. Only social workers. And now he is in court, facing up to 3 years in prison.

Anyhow, as we all know, the contemporary boxing ring of our times is Twitter, and what you are about to see, dear audience, is something… fascinating.

Screen Shot 2016-03-29 at 00.40.56
Roughly translated: If I’d ever want to steal anything, it would be 10 years from your life, which you’d be spending in prison.

Keep in mind. This is a member of the Estonian parliament, he is the vice chairman of the European Union Affairs Committee of the Estonian parliament. He is one of the 101, who make the laws. And it seems to me, that if Madison would have a chance, to take a big fat shit on the separation of powers, he would. After all, he is the man who told us that we should look at the bright side of Nazi Germany.

But, Jaak can’t be blamed for all of this. These kind of politics were pulled to the mainstream during last elections by the ruling Reform party, who capitalized on the crisis in Ukraine, by saying, that if you do not elect us, Putin will come. Well I, myself, think, that he is a man far too busy to have time for visiting eastern Europe, but we shall see. The result of using Russia as a marketing tool was, that a lot of people started getting scared. They were afraid. Authoritarianism loves fear and it’s no wonder a right wing party plopped their behinds in the chairs of the parliament.

It’s a bit analogous with (probably-soon-to-be-president) Donald Trump in the United States. I suggest reading a great piece from Amanda Taub, published in VOX, on March 1, 2016 – pretty much the same thing is going on in eastern Europe. The Jobbik party in Hungary, the Law and Justice party in Poland, and the Conservative Party of Estonia all have one thing in common. They capitalize on fear, the only currency that never drops in value.

So where are we going with this train? Certainly not Siberia, or Auschwitz, not yet, at least, but the station we are getting off at seems far away. It should be noted, that just like Hungary and Poland, Estonia is a member of the EU, it would seem logical, to do things the european way, break walls, not build them, but fear is awesome at building walls. Our partners in Berlin, who we are subject to (!), simply do not give a fuck, if the far-right starts raising its head in the shadows of third-reich-lite™.

Things are not looking up. We have been called fascists by our eastern neighbour for several years now. I think we are dealing with a self-fulfilling prophecy. Russia is still riding the concept of themselves as the destroyers of fascism in Europe, a remnant from the Soviet Union. And I’m sure that, if eastern Europe goes into fourth reich mode, Putin will find time for a visit, or at least, send someone to fill in for him. The average temperature in Tallinn, in August, is 17 degrees Celsius. Let’s hope the city never sees 300,000 degrees in the form of a “маленький мальчик.”

But who gives a shit, right?

To Jaak: There is still time to return from the edge of the moral abyss you are currently teetering on.

To our international friends: If you’re originally from around here, and are thinking of moving back, then don’t. Wait after the last winter hits.


Submit a comment

Massive Presence Website